Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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