i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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