i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
