i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When are your genitals available?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
