Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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