too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
