Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
