I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
