hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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