I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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