I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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