my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
