Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
