my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize