I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
