My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
