That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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