Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
