I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
