I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i now understand why vodka
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.