i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
seriously i just wanna be friends
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.