i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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