im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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