Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
