listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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