Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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