I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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