Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize