i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
