He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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