considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
