Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
