I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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