Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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