I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize