yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
