I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
