That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
