I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
