the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
