FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
