i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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