i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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