He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
