if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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