I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
