dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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