Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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