he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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