Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
