Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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