Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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