it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
