He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
