is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
