It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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