his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
