I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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