He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
