my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize