Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
