At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
