Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
