I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you