Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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