This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And then he peed in my hair
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