Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
