You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Shame is for Republicans.
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