are you still at the devil's house?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
